Month: January 2021

It’s funny how everything sounds cooler in a foreign language, doesn’t it? The theme of this post deals with making the most of this year. Last year had so many ups and downs, and for many, more downs than ups. So, this post will focus on making 2021 a better year for all.

This is the year to make big goals. I’m not talking about New Years’ resolutions which are usually forgotten within days or weeks of making them. I’m urging you to make a big, achievable goal and tell someone. Write it down. Post it on social media. My goal this year is to finally write the novel that’s been rattling around in my head for a decade. I’m laying down a marker that by this time next year that goal will be a reality. See how easy that was?

When you make goals, make sure they are big enough to scare you, but within the realm of possible. I’ll never play golf like Tiger Woods – that’s an unreasonable goal. But I could make a goal of shaving 10 strokes off my golf game this year – that’s reasonable but still a challenge.

To help with your goals, I have some good advice I’ve used to reach past goals. First, do your work before you play. Mark Twain once said, “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” When you wake up in the morning, find a quiet place and write down your tasks for the day which will help you reach your goal. Do this everyday – no exceptions. If that task is writing 1000 words with the goal of finishing your novel, write 1000 words before you do anything else. Eat your frog.

Last, one parting thought. There are so many opportunities hidden in diversity – you just have to find them. Make this year your best year and set some big goals. And while you are at it, be a good person. Say thank you, please, and you are welcome. Pick up a piece of trash when you see it. Return your shopping cart to the cart stall. Be the change you want to see in others. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “The time is always right to do what is right.” Amen.

With today being Inauguration Day, I thought it would be appropriate to write about new days. Today is a new day, historically, for our nation with President Biden becoming the 46th President of the United States and Kamala Harris becoming the first woman, African-American, and Asian-American citizen to become the Vice President. That second fact has obvious significance because of the barriers being broken simultaneously by one individual and because of the importance the American people placed on that aspect of the ticket she belonged to during the election. It is an example for others that this is a new day that affords new opportunities and new ways to look at ourselves and each other. For me and my co-contributors, it is especially germane because we each have immensely talented, intelligent, caring daughters who have sought ways to serve their families, their communities and their nations. We are all very proud of them, their successes and the example they set for others.

While today is a historically significant new day, it is also simply a new day distinct from yesterday or tomorrow. Each new day brings us a clean slate for our thoughts, words, and deeds. It’s a chance to right wrongs, finish things we started, and create new things. In one way, it’s the only day that matters. Yesterday, and all preceding days, are history and tomorrow is the future. Neither of those are tangible and in neither case can we effect the events that happened or will happen. Everything we did yesterday, good, bad and indifferent, have little meaning or impact if we don’t treat today as a new day. Anything we plan to do tomorrow has no meaning if we don’t act today. That doesn’t mean the past and the future don’t matter. What it means is that today matters the most and how we choose to approach today has significance. We can choose to rest on our laurels and coast through today. We can choose to rest today so we can have the energy to take on our big challenge tomorrow. When we take those approaches, we rely on a concept of credit for past deeds or future intentions that is negatively impacted by our inaction and failure to commit ourselves to being our best.

Today is a new day in every respect. Recommit yourself each new day to upholding the person you are, the person your family needs, the person your community needs, the person your country needs…don’t shift into cruise control today. We need each other at our best whatever that looks like for each of us. It matters whether we see it or not.

Well, I fully intended on posting this over the weekend, but, have needed time to process all of the churn and to “moderate my content” so as not to run afoul of Facebook, Twitter, et al.  Time will tell if this was successful!

While I have a lot of thoughts on all that has gone on throughout 2020, culminating in the fiasco we saw last week, I want to refer to them, but I don’t want to overanalyze, debate or even acknowledge all of them.  I’d rather take this limited time I have with you all to talk about us and how we fit in to all of it.  I have categorically and unreservedly have been against violence in protests.  I don’t care what side is doing it (and it is driven by the radical fringe of both sides), it is abhorrent and the perpetrators should be held liable to the fullest extent of the law.  That said, there were a LOT of peaceful protesters (the mainstream of both sides) who have valid points they have wanted to raise, and, frankly, the valid points should be things we openly discuss, debate and address.  We may disagree, but the issues are valid ones and they deserve an open and honest discussion among the citizenry and leadership of the country.  Unfortunately, between the violence and hatred and the virtue signaling, the valid points get lost and marginalized and the discussion never happens.

The three of us don’t always agree on everything.  We have had some energetic debates and even some heated conversations about things, but we have still remained the closest of friends/family.  This is because of the way we disagree, and the way people used to disagree.  I spent time analyzing it and it comes down to just a few principles, and, I personally believe, that if we all employed these on a wider basis, particularly with friends/colleagues/family, slowly but surely, we’d make a difference.  So, here goes.

1.  We respect each other.  This doesn’t mean that we acknowledge each other’s accomplishments.  It means we legitimately believe that the others have value.  We see each other as unique, thoughtful and having an opinion or point of view that has merit.
2. We assume noble intent.  This means that we believe that the others have a desire for improving and making things better.  This also means that if something goes wrong or fails, we don’t question their motives, because we already believe that they are acting on what they believe to be for the best.
3. We listen.  This one is vitally important.  When we are together and discussing a topic, we are actively listening, rather than sitting there figuring out what we want to say next.  Many times we find discover that we aren’t as far apart on a topic as we think or that our approaches, while different can lead to similar outcomes.
4. We seek to understand why there is a difference in our opinions. We don’t do it for the purposes of “fixing” the others’ faulty understanding, rather we do it to see if there is something in our understanding that we are either missing or haven’t considered.
5. We sincerely apologize when we cross the line.  Yes, we have crossed the line with each other before.  It happens in every relationship, but we recognize that when we’ve done something or said something that crossed the line from debate into personal attack, we need to apologize because that is wrong.
6. We understand that the value of each other is not in each one’s individual opinions, but in who they are as a whole.  One decision or one opinion does not define who any of us are as people and anyone who tries to define people by only one or two data points isn’t trying to understand people but to segregate them.
7.  We push each other to understand and test why we believe what we believe.  This is because we all are looking to better understand and grow, not because we are trying to bludgeon opposing viewpoints.
8. We understand and accept changing opinions.  We have learned that as we have gotten older, we have learned new things and some of our opinions have changed as some will probably change in the future.  We recognize that this is a sign of growth or of understanding new information and that is generally a good thing.
9. We agree to disagree…agreeably.  If we don’t agree and after talking through it, we still don’t agree, we leave it at that.  We don’t keep trying to hammer on the others to change, we don’t take cheap shots about the disagreement, and we revisit it only if warranted.

This list isn’t rocket science.  It’s basically the golden rule.  We treat each other as we want to be treated and we believe the best.  Given what we have seen in the political discourse, the media bias, and the culture of “it isn’t enough to win, I have to destroy you” and “I am right and good, therefore you must be wrong and evil”, I don’t see this approach being adopted to widely by the leadership and exemplars of our society, so it is up to us to model it, practice it and influence others around us.  I heard a suggestion for bringing civility back to online discourse.  The suggestion was to make every comment and response a 2-way video rather than text.  Force people to look at the person they are writing about and tell them directly rather than hide behind an anonymous keyboard.

At the end of the day, the division, strife, violence and name-calling will probably continue, for a number of reasons.  We, however, have a choice.  We can contribute to its longevity, or we can resolve to do what we can during the course of our daily lives to build bridges rather than burn them and encourage rather than tear down.  One thing I have learned is that it is far easier and quicker to destroy than build, but there is much greater satisfaction from building.  So, think before you post, resist the urge to press the send button on something you know is inflammatory, and assume noble intent, especially with friends and family.  After all, they’ll be the ones helping you change a tire at midnight in the cold, not Pelosi or McConnell.  Have a great week!

P.S.  For those of you who believe 2020 was the worst year ever, take a look at 1968, or 1919, or 1944 or 1862.  Those were some bad years.