Month: June 2017

Today was graduation day and it caused me to reflect on the topic of choice, partly because of something said by the speakers, partly because of the whole movie vibe (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade), and partly because of all of the decision-making I and many others have had to go through this week.  There are two major actors in everything that happens in our lives, choice and your choice of either randomness or divine actions.  Of the two, we have control over choice…not outcomes, but choice itself.  Choice is at the very heart of games, quests, and many other diversions, because it is our unique combination of choices that drive the story and the result.  I believe we are much greater than the sum of our choices, which is why I am very much of the belief that we won’t have to worry about a sentient artificial intelligence wiping out humanity, but I do believe our choices play a very great role in determining who we ultimately become.  Basically, choices are important and are in our power to control, so we must learn to choose proactively and to choose wisely.

By proactive, I mean that we should take the initiative to make the choices in our lives rather than wait until the choice becomes moot.  Many times I have found myself dithering over a choice for so long that by the time it is made, it doesn’t matter.  By choosing wisely, I mean choosing right over expedient, choosing good over evil, choosing patience over haste and choosing faith over doubt.  I have found those four principles to be good markers by which to bound a choice.  So, with that, here are a few “choice” pieces of advice.

1. Choose to get up one more time.  You don’t fail when you fall, only when you refuse to rise.
2. Choose to be calm in adversity.  Panic breeds panic, fear breeds fear, and calm breeds calm.
3. Choose to believe the best of people.  People may do thoughtless or hurtful things, but generally you get what you expect of people.  If you expect them to be good people and believe them to be, they generally turn out to be.
4. Choose to think before speaking.  Not all things need to be said, not all things needing said need to be said by you, and not all things need to be said immediately.
5. Finally, choose to think about, as Philippians 4 says, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy.”

Now, as to where we go for dinner?  Whatever you choose…

The past year has seen additions to some of our families. Whether through birth or marriage, family additions are always exciting times. The new family member brings a new chance to develop a relationship, find things in common, discover diversity of thought and learn how to work through differences. The relationship brings new responsibilities, new opportunities, new discoveries like family recipes from your new in-law or that funny little laugh from the new granddaughter.

The saying that “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family” always seems like a negative statement to me. In fact, I used it that way in a previous post when describing the empty spot I have because of the family environment in which I was raised. However, I don’t think it should be taken as a negative statement. If we only had relationships with people we chose, we would likely only have relationships with people just like us. That’s human nature. I’ve seen it play out at work, church and school throughout my life. Even when we consciously try to broaden our aperture in relationships, we get pulled back to our personal center.

Family matters. We aren’t arbitrarily placed in our family. We’re there for a reason and we shouldn’t use the saying above as a reason to avoid that reason or our responsibility to our family. It’s not easy. Our parents can get on our nerves because they constantly have a perspective that is at least two decades removed from ours. Our siblings may ignore us or continue to treat us like the “little kid” even in our forties. Our weird uncle or psycho cousin might cramp our style. No matter what the challenge, they are still family and they matter. We can let our selfish nature get in the way or we can serve their needs and strengthen our families…even when they are spread out across the country. If not, the time will come when we regret our lack of effort or selfish focus. I know because I’ve seen that happen and I’ve felt that happen. Tee good thing is that each new day brings an opportunity to make family matter…call you mom, text your dad, hug your weird uncle or play cards with your psycho cousin. You won’t regret it.

The title has become relatively well-known in the past couple years because of a book written by Simon Sinek who also wrote “Start With Why.”I really enjoyed both books and have long ago internalized the first principles both titles communicate. In “”Leaders Eat Last,”Sinek describes the military leadership concept of senior officers always putting the needs of their troops before their own needs. This concept takes the form of the senior officer always ensuring his or her troops have eaten before he or she addresses their own hunger. They also make sure all their troops get to sleep before they lay down for a little rest. They always make sure their troops are recognized by senior commanders and credit their troops with any success of the unit while demonstrating accountability as a leader by taking the blame or punishment for failures.

I’d love to say I learned this concept while I was serving in the Air Force. While I did have leaders who walked this walk, I didn’t learn about this concept until serving under a Marine in the On-Site Inspection Agency with my coauthors. His name was Gerald Stolar and he epitomized the phrase “an officer and a gentleman.” I continued to learn more about this concept from Army officers although I will say that not all Army officers demonstrated this. Its a simple concept that fully envelops the Air Force Core Value of Service Before Self. I essentially grew up as a leader with these kinds of leaders all around me demonstrating the way I should lead. It’s a simple concept, but surprisingly rare in practice.

One more piece of leadership advice that I learned from great officers in the military is to never ask your troops to do anything you wouldn’t do. Follow these concepts and people will seek out opportunities to work with you and always exceed any objective you ask them to accomplish. Next time you get a chance to lead, eat last, do the task first–not matter how menial, and let everyone else rest before you sit or lay down. It will make you hungry, teach you humility, wear you out—and give you more energy and joy than you can imagine.

https://www.loc.gov/rr/program/bib/ourdocs/DeclarInd.html

This beautifully crafted phrase from the Declaration of Independence implicitly states that we are endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable Rights, among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Let’s take a moment to deconstruct that sentence.

First – those rights are endowed from our Creator, not granted by a government or other men. We were born with those rights and as Thomas Jefferson (the writer of the Declaration of Independence) further states,” That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed…” So our government is there to defend those rights, not restrict or deny them.

Second – those rights are unalienable. The textbook definition of unalienable is impossible to take away or give up. So those rights are God-given and eternal. Governments are created (as stated above) to ensure that God-given rights are protected.

Third – our rights consist of life (the right to exist), liberty (essentially freedom), and the pursuit of happiness. Notice that Jefferson used an active verb to emphasize how a person achieves happiness – by pursing it, not having it given to them. That’s important because there is so much talk these days about what a government should and shouldn’t do. The most important duty of a government (according to Jefferson) is to get out of the way of the people as they pursue happiness within the rules of society.

Last – you are not allowed to infringe on the rights of others (their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness) as you achieve yours. That also means you don’t have the right to take the fruits of someone else’s labor (their pursuit of happiness) and give it to another who will not actively pursue their own.

So, as we approach the 4^th of July remember what Jefferson wrote and reflect on the meaning of Declaration of Independence. You were born with the unalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness – and the government should be defending those rights, not restricting them.

Just received an invitation to my 35^th high school reunion. At the same time the movie Grosse Point Blank just came on HBO. The movie revolves around John Cusack’s character going back to his high school reunion (10-year), while resolving some personal issues.  There is more to the movie than that, but the point is some of the awkward moments he experiences in the movie would be very similar to the ones any person going back to their home town would face.

How do you relate to people you kind of knew 35 years ago and who have had totally different experiences?  Some of them never left the small town where I graduated. That fact simply amazes me considering how big the world is and how much there is to see and experience. Not that there is anything wrong with staying in one place – it was never my path – and not the path of my fellow authors judging by our lives to date.

The point of this post is think about where you might be 35 years from now – or 30 years from now – and think about what you want to be able to say about the passage of time. What did you do? Where did you go? What did you accomplish?  I don’t know if I’ll go to my reunion – but I do know one thing, 35 years comes faster than you think.

Today is a beautiful day. Hannah, the daughter of one of the pastors at Evergreen is celebrating her 25th birthday today. She has Downs Syndrome and us the guest of honor at a surprise party thrown by friends in the church.   The day is pleasantly warm (as long as the sun is behind the clouds), there is a nice breeze, the smell of barbecue, and over a hundred people in attendance. The sheer excitement and delight on Hannah’s face was worth every bit of preparation.

The whole scene reminds me of those classic movies or a Rockwell painting and brings back many memories of summer evenings growing up in the Midwest, and that makes me smile. Sure the humidity was generally too high, the AC was generally out of a window unit, and there were never enough people for a full baseball game, but the days seemed endless and with enough imagination sticks became swords, crabapples became tiny grenades and cinderblocks became end zones or bases.

While we didn’t have a lot of the electronic advances we have today, we always seemed to be occupied and entertained. While I am definitely not anti-technology, I have to admit that I do feel a little sad sometimes when I see MLB 2017 on XBOX being played more than pickup games in the neighborhood.  I am not naive enough to believe we will ever go back to those carefree days, and I am not disillusioned enough to believe that there were no bad days back then, but I am nostalgic enough, at least today, to sit back, take it all in and smile.

Have a great week and talk to you again soon!

Some of you will recognize the  quote in the title from the campaign in the 70s to get children reading.  There were many reasons for the effort, not the least of which was the American desire to beat the Soviet Union and China in literacy rates.  A catchy slogan and several public service announcements with requisite stars talking about books became the basis of the campaign, which ran for a number of years.

I love to read.  I remember distinct points when I rediscovered the enjoyment of reading as I grew older.  After learning to read Dick and Jane books, I moved slowly but surely to Danny the Dinosaur, Curious George and, of course, the Richard Scary books.  Just when I thought I had reached the pinnacle of reading entertaining literature I was introduced to Encyclopedia Brown, Stuart Little and A Cricket in Times Square and a whole new world opened up to me.  

I moved to the Hardy Boys for a time but then languished once again until a local librarian showed me Mark Twain, Ursula K. LeGuin, biographies on Daniel Boone, and many others.  As I made my way through those, I discovered the Chronicles of Narnia and the Hobbits, which led me to dive into the fantasy genre which kept me entranced through high school.

Sure, I read the traditional classics ranging from Beowulf to Ivanhoe, The Three Musketeers to Mobile Dick, The Lord of the Flies to Fahrenheit 451, and I read a lot of nonfiction, mainly history and biographies, but my love was always the escape of fiction.  However, as I entered adulthood I feared once again that I had read most all of what was enjoyable and that the only things left were boring and mundane.  At that point I found Stephen King, Ken Follett, and many, many others, and again discovered the joy of escape into other stories  

Even today I sometimes catch myself bemoaning the dearth of a good escapist read, and, as always, something new rises up and draws my interest.  It is just my opinion, but I believe it is important in this age of video to take time to dive into and enjoy a good book.  It stimulates the mind, relaxes the body and relieves stress…plus it is nonfattening so long as you are not eating at the same time. 

So, as the summer kicks into high gear, take my advice.  Grab your Kindle, Nook, paperback or hardback and spend some quality time jumping into a good story.  It beats watching most of the movies out there.

I love the poem If by Rudyard Kipling. I’m some circles it’s trite because guys who want to look manly often refer to it in order to bolster their perceptions of themselves. On the other hand, I’m surprised by how many people I’ve mentioned the poem to who have never heard it before.

This week at work has been an acute reminder of Kipling’s charge. People were losing their heads about molehills and accepting first versions of stories as fact resulting in demands for othe people’s heads when the innocent hadn’t yet been proven guilty. It’s easy to be beaten down in that kind of environment, but then the asylum residents win.

Sorry for the rant but it’s a purposeful rant. Read the poem of you haven’t before and ponder the charge. If you have read it before, no matter how many times, read it again and let it bolster your resolve. Oh, and don’t worry about the gender in the poem. Kipling lives during an age of chivalry and chauvinism. But as I’ve written before, our girls are as tough or tougher than any guy Kipling ever met.

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!”

I had a surprise visit today from an previous colleague who gave me the wonderful news that he’s going to be a father. This was a surprise to him and his wife as they weren’t really planning to have kids anytime soon. He’s not taking the surprise very well and I could see it on his face. When I asked him if he was happy, the response was muted at best. As a guy who always wanted to be a dad and who enjoys every minute with my kids, I had a difficult time understanding his reaction. We talked a little longer and then he asked me how to be a good dad. With Father’s Day occurring last weekend, the topic was timely, but I couldn’t come up with any immediate pearls of wisdom for him. And he looked really worried. You see this guy has the grandest of aspirations and this surprise is putting those aspirations at significant risk. He talked about that a little and told me he’s worried that he won’t be able to give his best to all the different roles and relationships. Finally, he gave me a the opening I needed. I used to have the same concern; always trying to be everything to everybody and failing miserably, in my humble opinion, at all of my roles and relationships. But somehow, I came to realize that I can’t give 100% as a boss, 100% as an employee, 100% as a husband, 100% as a dad, 100% as a friend, 100% as a coach, etc, etc, etc.  That comes out to 600% and even I know that math doesn’t work. We talked about this and I told him he just needs to be 100% in the moment. We’ll always fall short of our own expectations, but if we follow one of my coauthors advice to be fully present in the present, we’ll have a positive influence on whoever we’re with at the time. We only have 100% of ourselves to give and it just can’t be divvied up no matter how hard we try.

Summer is officially here and it’s not just school-age kids who love its arrival.  The summer solstice has been celebrated as a holiday for over 2000 years. It is the longest day of the year and was/is the source of many festivals worldwide. For the language geeks reading the blog, the word “solstice” is from the Latin word solstitium, which literally means, “sun stands still.” It was such a popular event that whomever built Stonehenge oriented the stones to highlight the rising  sun on the morning of the summer solstice.

Early Christian monks recorded how the Celts celebrated the solstice or midsummer, by lighting huge bonfires on hills and dancing all night – sounds like spring break! Later when the Saxon’s arrived on the British Isles, they continued the Celtic tradition. Even the Vikings adopted (or the Celts adopted the Viking tradition – there is controversy) the practice.

Earlier, Romans celebrated the event as a feast to the goddess  Juno, the wife of Jupiter, who was the goddess of women and childbirth. They named the month, June, in her honor. Juno was also the patron of marriage, which explains why many early weddings were in June.  Even earlier was the celebration by Zoroastrians of the midsummer day, which celebrates the power of sun and fire. Those two were obviously very important to early societies.

This day has been special for millennia, for myriad reasons. So whatever makes it special for you, take time to appreciate the extra sunlight and get outside. I’ll be barbecuing something tasty this weekend and enjoying  the extra sunlight with a fermented beverage. Happy solstice to you all!