Month: August 2017

“Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good. Hence a prince who wants to keep his authority must learn how not to be good, and use that knowledge, or refrain from using it, as necessary.” – Machiavelli, The Prince

I recently started reading a book that was gifted my by one of the authors. The name of the book is “The 48 Laws of Power.” At first it was quite depressing to me because the main theme of the “laws” is how to manipulate those around you in order to gain, maintain or distribute power. This concept is anathema to me and based on their character I can say it’s anathema to my fellow authors. I’ve always been taught and have it firmly engrained in me that manipulation and scheming only leads to ruin in the long run. However, I have to say that I’ve seen many (too many) leaders in my career that have used these rules to significant effect and climbed the ladder of success all the way to the top. In fact, I’m seeing it play out all around me lately at work and in our nation’s capital. That isn’t going to change my approach though.

The quote above is in the book and made me laugh when I read it. Unlike the other aspects of the book that made me go down a negative road, this quote resonated with me, but not in the way you think. I have a close colleague with whom I’ve co-led our largest organization and major projects before that. She and I have decided to be devious in a way that benefits our workforce while stealthily undercutting those senior leaders who are following the rules of power that the book I’m reading describes. We are so like-minded in our scheming that I’ve taken to calling us The Wonder Twins. It’s funny when we both get in one of our offices and start figuring out how to head off an evil decision at the pass without the would-be evildoers even knowing what hit them. It might sound contradictory, but Machiavellian In a Good Way is our motto. Having read that quote, I’m even more convinced that we’re taking the right approach and that we’ll disprove the rule that our fate is ruin. It’s worked well so far.

Armed Forces Network (AFN) is a non-profit part of the U.S. military that shows first run television meant for U.S. service men and women overseas.  AFN does not show commercials because it’s non-profit, so the network uses little known (and seen) public service announcements as well as AFN-produced segments meant for public education. It’s amazing what you can learn from these commercials (really) as well as some random silliness. One of the most memorable commercials was a series of spots where a soldier was shown doing something stupid or against Army regulations and at some part of the commercial the action would freeze, and another soldier would walk in front of the frozen frame and say, “that’s not what right looks like.”  The commercial would then rewind and the same soldier would make the right choice. The action would freeze again and the second soldier would walk out in front of the frozen frame and say, “Now, that’s what right looks like!”

It was hokey but effective, as witnessed by the fact that any soldier, sailor, or airman who served between 2009-2014 and had access to AFN knows the commercial and the message it conveyed.  You can use that phrase with those service men or women and they immediately get what you are saying. I just wish that we could use that same commercial on all American networks and have a whole series of “what right looks like” messages.

Right looks like saying “please” and “thank you.”

Right looks like letting the car to the right merge if you can.

Right looks like holding doors for people with their hands full.

Right looks like being kind to animals.

Right looks like saying “I love you” every chance you get.

Right looks like cleaning up after yourself.

Right looks like respecting others as you would wish to be respected.

Right looks like not using profanity in public or where children can hear you.

Right looks like respecting the ideas and beliefs of others. You don’t have to agree, but you can be respectful in your disagreement.

Right looks like being nice to everyone regardless of what they can or can’t do for you.

 

Last, I want to share a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “The time is always right to do what is right.”

Today, as I sat through a meeting I had to chuckle lightly to myself because if an author put what we were talking about in a novel, and how we got to that meeting, the book would be dismissed as bad fiction and totally improbable. The more time we (the 3 Dads) spend in government the more we think, “you can’t make this up – because no one could be that dumb?” I pondered this and other situations going on in D.C. as I considered the books I’ve read lately.

I’ve been reading books about clones cloning themselves, self-aware AI, giant talking hamsters, and mythical gods. None of these seem as strange (or unbelievable) as some of the things I’ve seen or heard lately. If the situations I’ve seen were in a book, I’d put it down and probably give it a bad rating on Goodreads.com based on poor writing and creativity.

It’s a really sad state of affairs when I prefer to read crazy science fiction (based on good writing and story construction) than think about what’s going on at work. I can’t really go into what the meeting was about and all the people in the room were dumb. Rest assured there were smart people in the room who attempted to moderate the rampant stupidity. I’d like to say smart won – I’d like to say that. I can’t.

One of the things I like about travel is getting the chance to observe my fellow man in an environment that can be equal parts stressful and relaxing. You can learn a lot about human nature just by this type of observation alone and it has led me to some conclusions, advice and “rules” that should be followed. 

First off, people’s reaction to stress and the unexpected tends to reveal their basic attitudes about life and their level of happiness.  The lady who is smiling and polite as her bag is being selected for additional inspection is probably smiling and happy in general.  Likewise the guy who set off the scanner and is loudly muttering about how this always happens to him, is probably going to find things go wrong for him a lot and probably isn’t happy even when things are going well.  True, these are not absolutes, because anyone can be having a bad day, but as a general rule I have found it to hold true. 

What is even more interesting to me is how the attitude of one person can shift a whole group.  This morning I saw an older gentleman go through security and completely change the mood from anxious and tense to relaxed and patient. It wasn’t just one thing, but it was a series of things he did or said combined with a quiet, calm manner.  I watched him smile at the TSA agent and wish them a blessed day, which caused the agent to smile back and thank him.  I saw him help the family in front of him get their bags through the X-ray machine, and when his bag was flagged for having a bottle of hot sauce in it, I watched him chuckle, apologize for forgetting it was in his bag and heard him tell the TSA agent that he hated to throw it out, so if the agent was allowed to have it, he’d just give it to him as it was “pretty good heat with a lot of flavor.”

Now, I don’t know this person, but I would bet he tends to be happy, patient, and peaceful all the time, as opposed to a gentleman on my last trip, who not only was griping about having to share the TSA Pre check line with a number of randomly selected passengers without TSA Pre, but also caused a substantial fuss at the X-ray machine when he was told he couldn’t take his mouthwash with him because it was too big.  Granted he could be having a bad day, but I am betting he’s generally more stressed and less happy in general.

So, that brings me to a couple of pieces of advice and a couple of travel rules.   Starting with advice, give yourself enough time to minimize the stress. The more you rush, the more adrenaline kicks in leading to more stress.  Second, smile, even if you don’t feel like it.  It will make others smile and will lift the mood around you, ultimately lifting your mood.  Third, remember that people are just trying to do their jobs and that they aren’t trying to make your day miserable. Assuming the best generally gets you the best. 

Finally, two quick rules based on today’s time at the airport.

1.  I know comfort is important when traveling, but please, unless you are an infant or young toddler, leave your shoes on in the terminal area.  It isn’t your living room and no one wants to stand there waiting for you to finish tieing them back up before boarding.

2.  If you do have a disagreement with TSA, be polite.  They aren’t going to be more amenable to your argument if you start pointing out all of the flaws you have observed and, interestingly, don’t care to hear about your thoughts on their lineage.  

Have a great day today!

This post is more of a practical than philosophical one.  Over the past few weeks life and schedules have been pretty hectic.  It is pretty standard and I know that times like this come and go, but I found myself once again getting a little stressed because of all of the projects and items on my todo list that kept demanding my attention.  When this starts to happen, I have learned that I can either attack the stress head on, or I can let it overcome me and be swamped by the projects.

There are a couple of strategies I employ to attack the stress that I want to share with you.  If they help you, that is great, if not, it’s still pretty good advice you can pass on.  The first thing that happens when I start getting stressed about the ever-growing pile of responsibilities is that I start forgetting little things, thereby adding to the stress.  So, the first thing I do is I mind map all of my projects just to get my thoughts down on paper.  For some people, creating a list works, but for me, I work better with Mind Maps, because of their flexible structure.  While this is a good start, the second step is the one that really makes the difference for me, though.

My second step is to do something small from my list that has a definite beginning and end.  This is an important step, because it takes my mind from the act of planning and organizing and puts it into accomplishing a task.  By doing something small, I can do it fairly quickly, and, after I complete it, I find my mind and body are both in sync and ready to hit the next thing on the list.  It’s kind of like priming a lawnmower to get it started, by moving from planning to acting to completing, it burns off stress in the activity, focuses mind and body on tackling the list and, ultimately, breaks the stress completely.  Sometimes I have to put a short, achievable task on the list just to get it there, but even that small “fraud” works like magic.

In any case, there are a lot of little “hacks” like this that can get your mind into a different state, when you need to focus…have a great week.

 

Not long ago, I was at an internal gathering of all my agency’s external senior leaders. One of these mature, senior representatives of our agency and our director began talking about the challenges of our new assignments philosophy. He talked about our shift to moving people around more deliberately and strategically and how that was causing angst among our employees at his site. He said, “The employees have The Sword of Damacles hanging over them and we act like it’s no big deal.” I challenged him immediately and took umbrage with his position that his employees were not in immediate life-threatening danger and that we had worked with him and the rest of his leadership team to ensure we considered each employee’s personal and professional well-being before making any assignment decisions. Ironically, he got mad at me for calling him out on the inappropriate use of the Sword of Damacles imagery and said he was just trying to make a point. Unfortunately, I see this all too often in today’s world

Sadly, I see politicians use this approach in order to emphasize their position to their base electorate. The problem with that is everyone (including the rest of the world) hears the words that are poorly chosen or improperly used. It’s almost as if we have forgotten how to make a point without having to exaggerate our position. Does the most fantastical or grandiose argument always win the day? I don’t think so. In her book “Quiet,” Susan Cain explains that many of the leaders we see in our lives and in our world often get to positions of authority through because they are extroverts who pound their chest, wave their arms, say things loudly and use hyperbole to get and keep our attention. But Cain writes that all this attention grabbing does not a good leader make. In fact, she points out that most of the women and men who successfully led various organizations through major transformation, challenging points in history or growing a business from the ground up are introverts…people who use language sparingly and don’t’ need to distort words to make a point.

I hear that statement often from colleagues. We often work 10-12 hr days and then have personal lives that demand time so sleep becomes a low priority. I made that mistake again this week.  After a week of vacation, I decided six hours or less a night was just fine and I’m definitely feeling the effects now. What’s ironic is that I know better. I know that you can never “catch up” on sleep. Each day effects your system in a way that builds up over time. I know that getting the right amount of sleep has very positive effects on your mood, your body and your brain. The right amount may be six hours for you, but I know it’s not for me. I slept eight hours or more each day of vacation and there is a clear difference between how I felt last week and how I feel this week. But I rationalize (rational lies) that I can’t put off the other things in my day for sleep. The really ironic thing is that I know that each day I don’t sleep well cumulatively impacts my overall lifespan. So it is true that I’ll sleep when I’m dead…and I’ll make up for all the sleep I’m missing now by bringing that sleep on earlier. Smart huh?

I’ve made the point in leadership classes and speeches that none of us are irreplaceable in our work lives. Like pulling a finger from a bowl of water, there may be a brief ripple but things smooth out pretty quickly. I’ve never been in a job where someone hasn’t come behind me and made the place better than I left it. However, there are two roles that don’t have that often unrecognized reality and those are spouse and parent. No one can ever substitute any of us in those roles no matter how they try. That takes me back to my earlier point…get some sleep so you can be around in the long run for those who love you. Nobody ever lay on their deathbed saying, “I wish I spent more time on the job.” Increase your rest, decrease your regrets and balance the scales in your love ones favor.

Yesterday’s post got me thinking about some of my all-time favorite movie quotes. Since we enjoy interactive posts I want to invite our readers to share their favorites as well.  Without further ado, here are some of my favorites (and one dialogue).

The Usual Suspects – “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”

Pulp Fiction – “If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions.”

Cool Hand Luke – “What we have here – is a failure to communicate”

Princess Bride – “You keep using that word – I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

A Few Good Men – “You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth!”

Forrest Gump – “Life is a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get”

Joe vs the  Volcano –

Marshall:
“What kinda clothes do you got now?”

Joe Banks:
“Well, I got the kinda clothes I’m wearing.”

Marshall:
“So you got no clothes.”

Billy Madison – “At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

Outlaw Josey Wales – “Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining.”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus – “It’s not pining, it’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!”

Don Corleone “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.”.

Batman Begins – “Some men just want to watch the world burn”

Fight Club – “The first rule of fight club – we don’t talk about fight club”

Who Framed Roger Rabbit – “l’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way”

Star Wars -Empire Strikes Back – “Try not! Do or do not, there is no try”

Cool Hand Luke – “Calling it your job don’t make it right boss”

In the movie the Shootist, John Wayne’s character had a credo that went like this; “I won’t be wronged. I won’t be insulted. I won’t be laid a-hand on. I don’t do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.”   While my personal credo isn’t quite so straightforward or down to earth, it does follow the same lines.  I won’t lie to others because I truly believe that the end, the truth is always the best policy.  I expect those that serve under me and anyone that calls themselves my friend to follow the same.  In the same vein, I expect those who call themselves my friend or work with me to respect my decisions and my beliefs.

While I may not always agree with the decisions and beliefs of those around me, I always respect them.  We may not always agree, but we must be respectful in our disagreements. What’s missing is the art of respectful discourse and debate, let’s have faith that it will return one day.

I struggled with what to write today.  Things have been going well, my stress is down, and I have been steadily accomplishing many things on my list.  However, many around me have been going through pretty significant trials lately, and have been hit so hard that many of them are on the ropes right now and aren’t sure they can take any more.  Regardless of the mountain, many of you are fighting the uphill climb and I wanted to write something that would resonate with you and help maybe make the next couple of steps better anyway.

Hope is a powerful thing.  Much like darkness is the absence of light and (in my opinion) evil is the absence of good, despair is the absence of hope. And, as their are many gradations of darkness and evil, there are many degrees of despair, each underscoring the loss of a little more hope.  I remember the scene in The Two Towers where Aragorn, full of despair at the situation at Helm’s Deep, is approached by a boy who asks him if it is hopeless, causing him to remind both himself and the boy that there is always hope.

Hope is a choice between fear and faith.  Sometimes, in the shadow of the mountain it is hard to believe, but the choice is still there.  So, how do we make the choice to not fear and have hope when things look their bleakest?  There are a lot of ways to do that, but here are a couple that have worked pretty good for me.

First, another friend used to tell me that when things seemed dark, he would ask himself the question, what is the worst that could happen, answer that and then ask if he could live with that outcome.  This is powerful because if we are honest about both questions we can regain our perspective and somehow diminish the ominous shadow of the mountain.  It is hard, though, because far too often we don’t take a real good look at those questions.  Sometimes, the worst that can happen is pretty bad and difficult to handle.  At the same time, we have a true understanding, which can lessen our fear and bolster our faith.

Second, take the long view.  The life I imagined I would have is drastically different than the one I have currently and I believe it will continue to evolve differently than I have imagined. There were good times I thought would last forever and bad times I thought would never end, but in the end, they came and went as they would, in their own time, and I made it through.  Sometimes it hurt and was so difficult I had to just take one step at a time and endure day by day.  I had to decide to fight through it and choose to hope in better tomorrow.  Sometimes it was easy and I had to remind myself that such times are a gift and should not be taken for granted. 

So, for all of you out there struggling right now.  Here are a few truths to hang onto and to encourage you.  

Things will get better, but until they do, find one thing each day that you can say is good.  It can be a song you heard, a breeze, a book, a parking space, anything, but find one thing that was good each day. 

You are loved and valued.  Do not let your pride, your emotions or your frustrations keep you from reaching out to those who love you.  They will stand with you regardless of the mountain and it’s challenges.

Finally, don’t fight tomorrow’s battle today.  As we used to say in the military, don’t pass up an opportunity to sleep, eat, or use the bathroom because when the fight comes it may last awhile. Use the calm before the storm and the pauses in the fight to regroup and  recover.

Good luck, and remember, there is always hope.