Month: April 2017

Okay all, time for another group participation exercise!  Earlier this week I had the opportunity to see the gymnasium where Hoosiers was filmed.  That story was loosely based on the 1954 Milan high school basketball team’s run to the Indiana State Championship and was voted as one of the top 10 sports movies of all time.  That got me thinking.  My first thought was that I really need to see that film again.  The second is that this is the perfect topic for feedback.  So, without further ado, here are the questions and my picks for answers.

Favorite Sports Movie – For this one there were so many contenders, from Rocky to Caddyshack, the aforementioned Hoosiers to Field of Dreams, but my pick for favorite sports movie has to be “A League of Their Own”.  Between Tom Hanks’ portrayal as coach of the Rockford Peaches to Geena Davis’ starring role as Dotty Hinson this movie had the right mix of humor, drama and feel-good moments.  The fact that it is based on a true story and led to a section of Cooperstown being set up to acknowledge the All American Girls Professional Baseball League makes it all the better.

Favorite Oscar Winning Movie – Lots to choose from here, especially with The Godfather, Revenant, Patton and so many others, but my choice comes down to Unforgiven, the quintessential western, directed by and featuring Clint Eastwood.  Any time you can have Clint and Morgan Freeman together facing off against the always classic Gene Hackman, you have the makings of a great movie.  Add in the cinematography, the score and the solid writing and you can see why it won.

Favorite Movie Franchise – Hands down the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit follow-on movies.  Sure, the Bond movies are a close second for me, but you can’t beat a great story brought to the screen by a director who wanted to stay as true as possible to it.  I know there are discrepancies, some of which are almost unforgivable, but every time I watch them I still get drawn in.  Also, for those of you who don’t think it was close enough to the stories, I have two words, Ralph Bakshi.

Movie That I Have to Watch if I See It Playing On TV – This was a close call between The Blues Brothers, The Rock (yes, I know it’s campy), Con Air, and my ultimate choice, Gone in 60 Seconds.  Yes, I realize that is three Nicholas Cage movies, but, let’s face it, it’s hard to not get sucked in to watching any of them, if you are searching the dial.  Sure, none of these are anywhere near Academy Award quality and the lines are pretty awkward (“Carla was the prom queen!”), but they are entertaining and fun, so they make the list.  Gone in 60 Seconds takes top spot simply because of Eleanor.  Can’t beat that Mustang.

Favorite Comedy – There are way too many contenders to choose from, so I know that I will immediately have to change my selection after reading your inputs, but as for now, I’d have to select Blazing Saddles.  It is arguably the funniest of Mel Brooks’ hits and certainly not politically correct.  From the suede-wearing sheriff, to the fireside scene to Mongo punching the horse, this movie had a lot of funny moments.  True, Young Frankenstein and The Producers were bigger successes, but Blazing Saddles is a strong contender.  Having said that, there are tons of comedies out there that could compete.

Finally, if you could only watch one movie again, what would it be…for me, it’d be The Return of the King (extended edition) from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  It’s the final act of the hero’s journey and hit all the right notes.  I know there are other strong choices, but for me, it has to be this almost 5 hour masterpiece.

I look forward to seeing your thoughts and choices.

The three of us have struggled with how to our experiences and knowledge gained from our mistakes, missteps, and, frankly shameful behavior of the past.  As someone once said, making good choices comes from wisdom, wisdom from experiences and experiences from bad choices.  It’s hard, though, because, first, we know you all think of us as perfect examples of what God intended man to be (okay, maybe not all of you), second, because it is shameful and embarrassing, and third, because, undoubtedly, there will be someone who says, in the back of their mind, “yeah, but that was pretty cool, though.”  The thing is, though, most of our experience comes from scars, not trophies.  So, with the strong admonition to not be as stupid, self-centered, egotistical, and, in some cases, evil as we were, I want to break the ice for all of us.  Disclaimer number one – names have and will be changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent.  Disclaimer number two – this is not a confessions board to make all of us feel good, so don’t post anything you are not comfortable sharing.  Disclaimer number three – do not assume that my co-authors are aware of or have knowledge of this information, it may not surprise them, but it may disappoint them, give them the benefit of sharing in the surprise.

The person I am today is irrevocably linked to several factors, not the least of which is the lessons I learned from mistakes and, frankly, shameful actions of my past.  One of my favorite quotes is that “not all learning has to be experiential”, however, I have lived a large portion of my life choosing experiential learning over learning from the mistakes of others.  It is my hope, you do not repeat some of those.  To that end, today I want to focus on one significant episode, which caused me to reflect and change for the better. Again, humor aside, please learn from my bad example to save yourself pain and anguish in the future.

I have always prided myself on being bright, loyal, driven and successful.  I have very, very rarely felt like I was in a situation where I could not figure out a way to successfully extricate myself or manipulate the environment to make myself successful.  While lacking in self confidence initially, I found that I could, with effort and focus, conquer most, if not all, of the mountains in front of me.  Grades came easy, people had a tendency to feel comfortable and open up to me, and I had, what others might refer to as, a passing relationship with the truth.  I found it was easier to tell people what they wanted to hear, give the answers that were expected, and I found myself rewarded with information and insight, because people would open up to me and confide in me.  Basically, I was viewed as trustworthy, while being both a liar and a manipulator.  To me, at that time, truth was to be used to reinforce the lies I built upon it and I destroyed at least two friendships and jeopardized many, many others in the process.

I was very, very good at it.  A comedian once said that the key to success is sincerity, “once you can fake that, you have it made.”   I took that as a goal, rather than the joke it was meant to be.  In short, I was the type of manipulative, conniving instigator that provoked things to happening and my efforts and energies were focused on making sure I was always in the clear, rather than being in the right.  I didn’t want to be the king, I wanted to be the one controlling the king, through lies, deception and just enough truth to sell the con.  Of the many incidents I could cite, the one that stands out in my mind the clearest was when I set myself up to be both confidant and adviser to both a good, good friend and his girlfriend, with whom I was infatuated.  I liked my friend very, very much, but knew his limitations and weaknesses and told myself that his girlfriend would certainly be better off seeing him for who he was, or more appropriately, seeing only the bad aspects of his character.  As a manipulator, though, I also knew that to expose him and endear myself would be a delicate balancing act, if I wanted to – well let’s face it – steal his girlfriend.  I had to be seen as supportive yet understanding…a good friend, but “honest” broker.

I won’t go into the gory details, because, frankly, it’s irrelevant how it went down and I am still ashamed that I treated both my friend and his girlfriend with such disregard and callousness.  The short version is that I strategically lied and betrayed a friend, leaking information to his girlfriend and vice versa, under the guise of trying to be a helpful mediator.  They stopped trusting each other and became unable to see the good in each other.  Ultimately, they stopped talking to each other and, as teenagers are wont to do, ostracized each other, splitting their mutual friends between them.  I had succeeded in driving them apart, and in the aftermath, became close to the girlfriend.  When all was said and done, though, I felt empty, dirty, and alone.  I had sacrificed two good friendships, yet could not have a true relationship with the girl I had pursued, because of the lies and the damage they had done.

For a long time, I thought that the damage that I had done was to the two of them, but realized several years later that, by lying and manipulating the situation, I had scarred myself in the process.  I became jaded, mistrusting, and built walls to protect me from others like myself.  At my core, I realized I didn’t just break up a relationship, but, rather, I had caused true damage to myself and a myriad of others, all of whom were innocent, save me.  To this day, I sometimes wonder what would have been had I actually been the upstanding, moral boy I had put on as a mask, rather than just the shell, but that is another discussion.  While those sins of the past are no longer held against me, I would be lying if I said I did not still have regrets.

The point is, despite my talents, my gifts, my abilities, and my skills, the only thing my machinations and manipulation did was to damage and break everything good in the relationships of at least three people.  While I have no idea how my actions affected the lives of my victims today, I do know that they were devastating to me.  They made me hollow inside, empty of compassion, love and empathy.  It took many years, true friends and a God who actively demonstrates how He can fix things we believe irreparable for me to bounce back.  I am ashamed of the actions, sorrowful for the damage done and hopeful that God’s grace and ability to heal past transgressions is transcendent.  But the question is, what did I learn from all of this?

Well, first off, when you lie, manipulate and connive, the results are always unsatisfying.  I’d love to say this was an isolated incident, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t.  In every case, however, the results were unsatisfying.  Second, when you lie, manipulate and connive you always end up hurting people close to you.  Regardless of how much you think you can handle it, you can’t not hurt people when you do this.  Finally, no matter how far away from Him you run or deep your evil or selfishness may run, God can always fix the mess you may make…if you let Him.

I remember when I was young we were taught that the universe was shrinking, that we would never be able to map the human genome, and that the world would end due to global cooling. There was also a real fear that due to population explosion, we would run out of food by 2000.  Peter Gunter, a North Texas State University professor, wrote in 1970, “Demographers agree almost unanimously on the following grim timetable: by 1975 widespread famines will begin in India; these will spread by 1990 to include all of India, Pakistan, China and the Near East, Africa. By the year 2000, or conceivably sooner, South and Central America will exist under famine conditions….By the year 2000, thirty years from now, the entire world, with the exception of Western Europe, North America, and Australia, will be in famine.”

We also heard from Ecologist Kenneth Watt who declared, “By the year 2000, if present trends continue, we will be using up crude oil at such a rate…that there won’t be any more crude oil. You’ll drive up to the pump and say, `Fill ‘er up, buddy,’ and he’ll say, `I am very sorry, there isn’t any.’ Additionally, Harrison Brown, a scientist at the National Academy of Sciences, published a chart in Scientific American that looked at metal reserves and estimated the humanity would totally run out of copper shortly after 2000. Lead, zinc, tin, gold, and silver would be gone before 1990.

What spurred this post was the book I’m reading, “The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains” by Nicholas Carr. The book explores what happens to our brains when we do anything over period of time – regardless of age. Our brains are plastic – they change with what do. When I was young we were taught, our brains were hardwired and that like the saying went, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Turns out that’s wrong – you can.  Our brains aren’t hard anything – and incredibly malleable.

What’s my point? Be skeptical of what you are told. Today we know the universe is expanding, we have mapped the human genome, we are warned about global warming, and our brains are plastic.  Settled science is a misnomer – there is no such thing. Science is about discovery – challenging the norms.  I wrote earlier about Carl Sagan’s BS detector.  One of the foundations of his BS detector was that any good theory can be tested, replicated, and observed. Period.

I grew up believing a good scientist (and thinker) always challenges the status quo – and consensus is not science. What I suggest to the gentle reader is keep Carl Sagan’s words in mind when someone tells you something is settled. If that doesn’t work – think about the words of Captain America (actually the graphic novel writer, J. Michael Straczynski), “When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — No, you move!”

Easter Sunday always brings back a flood of memories from my childhood . It was a big deal growing up in a small town where everyone went to church on Easter Sunday. So many traditions associated with Easter have passed into memory – and I would like to share a few which were dear to me.

Easter meant getting new clothes – or a new suit for church. I remember my brother and I going with my mother to get a new shirt, pants, and sometimes shoes for the Easter service. My mom would get a new dress, my dad would get a new tie, or even a suit depending on finances. Everyone dressed up for church service. It was truly a big deal if you didn’t have something new on Easter.

We also had the “dinner on the ground” – which was supposed to be “dinner on the grounds” (of the church). As a kid I always wondered why it was called that.  Now that I have Google – I don’t have to wonder. Every family would bring a dish to share. The wives of the deacons would organize which family brought what dish, so there was no unnecessary duplication and plenty of food.  I remember my grandmother would make fried chicken (I’ve never had better) and my mom would make cherry pies. One year another lady made chicken, which was left untouched because my grandmother’s chicken was considered the best. She didn’t make that mistake again.

Inevitably the kids would get restless after we ate and would start playing in our new clothes – and inevitably someone would get dirt on their new shirt or pants.  Then the playing would stop (with the associated yelling) and we would pack up and go back to my grandparents’ house. There the adults would continue eating – and the kids could change into play clothes.  The church I attended didn’t have an evening service on Easter, which meant I could watch the Wonderful World of Disney before going to bed. When you only had 3 channels growing up – this was a big deal, trust me.

I also remember having egg fights with my family on Easter.  I’m not sure where it originated (haven’t asked Google yet) but one person would hold their hard-boiled egg in their fist with just the top of the egg (top of the oval) protruding.  The other person would take their hard-boiled egg (top of the oval) and tap the two eggs against each other until one cracked.  The unbroken egg was the winner.  We kept this up until only one egg remained – and that person was the egg champion. My grandmother always seemed to win – which I believe was due to her choice of eggs and technique.

More than anything, Easter meant family. It was when the family got together to share stories and to simply be together.  I remember how much I enjoyed the stories my aunt and uncle would tell about growing up with my mother – and how much my mother didn’t enjoy the stories. I remember the wonderful aroma of my grandmother’s kitchen. Those are wonderful memories. To this day, the smell of fresh cut grass and fried chicken can take me back to a simpler time when all I worried about was not getting my new pants dirty.

My fellow author did a wonderful job writing about the true meaning of Easter, and there is nothing I can add.  I hope those reading this blog on a beautiful Easter morning take time to reflect upon what Easter means, and the families that love them. Hug someone today and start an Easter tradition – make a memory.

Last, please remember – He has risen so we may never die. Amen.

What is your purpose?  That has been “the” question for ages. Aristotle pondered the idea of telos, which is Greek for ultimate goal, all his life. He saw order and beauty in creation because of how every living thing worked in harmony – how a seed became a plant, or a baby became an adult.

Every religion has attempted to answer the question, “why are we here and what is the purpose of life?” Many feel that there is no goal – that we just live and die. It is a question which can lead down many paths, and for some it can lead to depression, anxiety and even suicide. I understand the hopelessness for some if they truly believe there is no grand design.

I will not attempt to answer that question for my gentle readers because I think it is a journey we all must pursue on our own. As a person of faith, I believe life has a purpose, and that every human has worth. I believe in a grand design because I am awed every day at some small miracle.  I will share some observations that may or may not help as you ponder your telos.

When I consider the night sky and see countless stars in the vastness of space – and feel small, but not alone – I see my telos.

When I saw the first the recognition of my face by my children, and the joy in their eyes when they did – I saw my telos.

When I hold my wife’s hand- I see my telos.

When I bow my head in silent prayer in moment of trouble, and a peaceful feeling washes over me – I understand my telos.

When I think about who my children are – and what they have become – I understand my telos.

When I watch the leaves in the trees on a beautiful spring morning, the smell of dew moistened grass in the breeze – I know my telos.

When I think about how all the blessings in my life, and how my understanding of the world is so small, but my purpose is clear – I embrace my telos.

When I see God’s hand in nature – the beauty of a flower or a sunset – I feel my telos.

I fear that in today’s information rich society, knowledge is understood as wisdom, and they are two vastly different things. I find it telling that some of the most troubled people I know are the smartest, yet bereft of wisdom and as such, peace. I believe if we take a moment to really look at the world, we can understand so much more than our physical senses process.

Take a moment and go to a peaceful spot – the beach, the woods, or your own back yard – and tune into nature and listen.  You may just find your telos.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”  – Martin Luther King, Jr.

I wrote yesterday about heroes and inspirational figures and today I want to write about the measure of a person.  I love the quote about how a person’s true character comes out when no one is looking.  I also believe you can judge a person on how they treat the people who can do nothing for them, or how they treat wait staff in restaurants and hotels.  I’ve seen too many people who are considered wonderful human beings treat service staff terribly. I also can’t stomach the people who are sickly sweet with superiors present but turn into ogres as soon as they leave.

The people I most enjoy being with are the same people day in and day out. This blog’s two other authors come to mind when I think of great humans.  They are genuinely good people -even when no one is looking. We have all written about how much we enjoy each other’s company and I believe it’s because who we are 24/7. I see that in other relationships as well. Watching the Master’s tournament yesterday and seeing how Sergio Garcio and Justin Rose behaved was very impressive.  It was a textbook example of sportsmanship and really showed the measure of both golfers. Also, watching how Jordan Spieth handled his bad round was also impressive. He faced the press and was gracious in his interview.

My mother always said that all she wanted was for me and my brother to be good men. Men that their children could be proud of.  I hope the same for my children, just be good human beings.  Love, laugh, and be kind. Live life with no regrets and leave everyplace better than when you found it.

“The thought manifests the word;
The word manifests the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let them spring forth from love
Born out of compassion for all beings.
As the shadow follows the body, as we think, so we become.”

― Juan Mascaró