Month: January 2017

One of my favorite quotes by Theodore Roosevelt was from a speech in 1910 entitled “Citizenship in a Republic” and it is probably known by many of you.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

I have always read that and was inspired by the concept of striving valiantly and knowing the triumph of high achievement, but never really thought too hard about the phrases “comes short again and again” and “fails while daring greatly” because I somehow, superstitiously, thought thinking about failure could and probably would sabotage the chances for success.  Lately, though, I have been reexamining the concepts of goal-setting, achievement and success, and it suddenly struck me that President Roosevelt wasn’t talking about succeeding.  Rather, he was talking about something far greater, participating, or rather, doing, regardless of the results.

This speaks to several fundamental concepts I have found important for being balanced in life.  First, there is the concept of choice.  I have a longer post I am working on about choice, but for this post I wanted to highlight one point from that post, and that is choice is active.  It moves you from reacting to acting and puts you in control of your path. It gives you the rewards accompanying success,  although it also carries the risks of failure and the responsibility for the choices made.  Importantly, though, choice changes you because it makes you committed, which is the second concept. To participate in something requires you to have at least a minimal amount of commitment to it.  There is certainly a relationship between the level of commitment and the likelihood of success, but, at a minimum, participation is important because of how it forces you to commit.  Third, and similar to commitment, is the concept of passion.  As with commitment, to participate in something you have to, at a minimum, be interested in it, and, also as with commitment, there is a correlation between the level of passion and the likelihood of success. The final concept I want to address is not directly imbued in the concept of participation,  but, rather, is what drives the correlation between commitment, passion and success.  That concept is perseverance.  The greater your passion and the greater your commitment, the longer you are inclined to keep trying and the more resilient you become to coming “short again and again”, which increases your chances of succeeding.

So, my post really just boils down to this.  Enter the arena.  Make your choice to participate and strive for the worthy causes.  Most of all, realize that, regardless of the outcome, if you do step into the arena the worst you can do is to fail “while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Losing Your Voice

I have the privilege of speaking together with a colleague at my agency’s Observance of Martin Luther King next Tuesday. My colleague came up with the brilliant idea for a format whereby we each toss the conversation back and forth between our two core sites in Springfield, VA and St. Louis, MO. Each time we switch sites, one of us will discuss a quote by Dr. King and how it applies to our current situation as individuals, agency employees or Americans. One of the quotes I plan to use is, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” I know I’ve heard that quote many times before, but it resonated differently with me this time because of things going on in my professional and personal life.

In the past couple years, I’ve seen too many examples where people have lost their voice–including me. At work, I see too many people who clam up when they know the boss is wrong or needs some advice because they don’t want to risk jeopardizing their career trajectory or upsetting a friend. It’s funny because our mission isn’t to make our director happy or even to make friends at work. Those are nice extra benefits, but our agency exists to provide security for our nation by making the best possible use of every cent the American taxpayer has entrusted to us as stewards of their money and their security. Sometimes, that means telling the emperor he isn’t wearing any clothes or telling our friend that she is making a poor investment in a certain technology solution. As a serious career overachiever, I’ve put myself out there several times in the past year, but I have less to lose than most…and don’t let me fool you with a couple feeble attempts to “speak truth to power.” I’ve lost my voice more times than I care to admit at work.

Remember my last post about confidence and humility? Well, that confidence can sometimes be a detriment, especially when it’s a facade. As a husband, father, friend, leader in the office and colleague, it’s risky to show vulnerability because people are relying on the confident person they see on a daily basis. If you show weakness or doubt, that could change everything in your relationships and positions. So we lose our voice–suck it up, buttercup–and go with the flow that our business, society, church, family or others expect from us because who wants to be the one to let everybody down. But according to Dr. King’s quote, that means our life is coming to an end because all those things matter. Growing up in a midwestern household where stoicism was a highly respected and native virtue, having a voice was frowned upon. Having spent most of the past 25 years on the east coast has exposed me to some very strong people with very loud voices, but volume and confidence don’t always result in the necessary message being delivered. I think we can all take a page from not only Dr. King’s words, but his actions and ensure we don’t slowly pass away while we wander through our personal and professional lives letting others steal our voices.

At one point our parents have given us good advice.  Some of these may seem obvious – but some may not.  So, without further ado, some good hip-pocket advice in no particular order.

Buy high quality tools, so you only buy them once.
Send thank you cards.
Get your next pet from a shelter.
Be the bigger person in an argument.
Keep a change of clothes at the office or at school.
Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat.
Nothing looks better than a well-tailored suit or dress.
When meeting someone, smile, extend your hand, and look them in the eye.
Always stand to shake someone’s hand.
And…look a person in the eye when you are talking to them.
Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.
Check your spare tire before you need your spare tire – a good time is when you change your oil.
Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift, and play sports.
A small amount of your paycheck should go directly to your savings account every month.
Call Mom and Dad every week. Very important.
Never wear a clip-on tie.
Compliment her shoes.
Fake it till you make it.
You can tell a lot about a person’s character by the size of things that bother them.
Be conscious of your body language – you are saying more than you think.
Never lend anything you can’t afford to lose.
Ask more than you answer. Everybody likes to talk about themselves.
Being an adult is not only being able to take care of yourself, but others as well.
Go with the decision that will make for a good story.
When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet.
No matter their job or status, everyone deserves your respect.
The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen; it’s your job to overcome them.
The first one to get angry loses.
An adult does what needs to be done without complaining.
Never stop learning.
Always go out into public dressed like you’re about to meet the love of your life.
Don’t change yourself just to make someone happy.
If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
Luck favors the prepared.
Do whatever you want to do, but always give 100% when you do it.
Be known as a dependable friend.
To have friends, you must be a friend.
Ask questions – sitting and wondering is dumb – not the questions.
Love unconditionally.

And…

No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work.

One last random thought. I often see spouses verbally abuse or mock their better half to others in public. I never understand this. If in the end, its the two of you together forever as a team; why would you antagonize or mock the only person that is supposed to be 100% on your side.

I thought I would start this post with my all-time favorite quote about work and it just so happens it comes from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, “Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

It speaks to doing whatever you do to the utmost of your ability.  The question I can hear most of you saying is, “why?”  Because all of us have felt the indescribable joy of a doing a job well. The great feeling you experience when you satisfy not only a loved one, a boss, or a colleague, but yourself.  I can remember how proud my kids were when they finished a job, cleaned their room, and you know they really, REALLY, put their heart into it. They are not only happy to get the affirmation from me, but the internal satisfaction really shines through.

What’s my point besides doing a job well?  The primary reason I would encourage anyone to take Dr. King’s words to heart is the physical effects doing a good job has on a person. That good feeling comes from a shot of dopamine – your body’s feel good drug. Dopamine as a neurotransmitter not only gives us that feeling we get from checking off items on a list, but also give us that extra good feeling when we do a great job.

We are the engines of our own happiness – outside praise or stimulus can stoke the fire – but the engine is ours and ours alone.  If you are feeling down or depressed; an easy way to get out of the doldrums is to attack a task, and really do it well.

Research tells us that the amount of dopamine does depend on the amount of effort you put into a project. That’s why getting praise for someone else’s work doesn’t provide a person with an internal feeling of satisfaction.  Quite the opposite actually – taking credit for someone else’s work can cause an honest person to produce cortisol – the chemical that causes stress. You really can’t lie to yourself.

So, in honor of Dr. King, do something amazing this week.  Doing your best and knowing you did your best can trigger floods of dopamine. Make this week the start of doing everything to the best of your ability.  The secret is that only you know what your upper limits are – only you.  I’ll finish with another quote from Dr. King and a Dad joke.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Martin Luther King Jr.

Dad Joke: What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

Yesterday’s post was pretty substantial and had a lot to digest in it, so I thought that, given that and the fact that this is a Monday, I’d try to lighten the day and the week for you with some humor.  As I said yesterday, it is important to smile and laugh.  I didn’t want to get to deep into happiness versus joy as that is a post for another day, but I have noticed when talking with friends and family that there is a lot of hurt, discouragement and pain right now in the lives of many I care about.  Having gone through dark times myself, I remember the feeling that it will never end and I remember how difficult it was to enjoy things.  It was hard to smile and seemed like too much effort to seek out things that would brighten my mood and my day.  If you are going through that today, hopefully you can find at least something in this post that’ll cheer you up.  Most importantly, though, even the longest bad days end at midnight and tomorrow is another day

Let’s start with the picture that kicked off my day today.  I was searching for an image of a “To Do” list for a presentation I am working on and hit upon this gem.

I have a guy at work that sends me jokes, funny articles, odd thoughts, and pictures from time to time.  Some of the images he has sent have been pretty good.  For awhile, in honor of the Russian hacking reporting, he was sending me the “Inspirational Putin” images.  Here are some of my favorite ones from him.

He also sends me unsolicited advice and jokes, such as:

“Be sure to turn on safe search in Google before searching on Gary Oldman movies.  Oh, and don’t forget the ‘r’.”

My wife and I were laughing about how competitive we are the other day…I laughed more.

A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit want to see who’s best at his job.  So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear and attempts to convert it.  Later, they all get together to trade their tales.  The priest begins, “When I found the bear, he charged at me, but I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water and he calmed right down.  Next week is his first Communion.”  The Baptist minister says, “I found a bear by the stream, and preached to him God’s holy Word.  The bear quieted down and was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him in the stream.”  The rabbi, in a wheelchair, wrapped in bandages, says, “Looking back, maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

Here’s a long set in one image:

“I was out on the lake water skiing when I fell in.  As I bobbed to the surface, I noticed a duck hunter in a boat in the reeds by the shore.  Jokingly, I put my hands up and said, “Don’t shoot.”  The hunter just looked at me and said, “Don’t quack.””

Bono from U2 was performing at a concert against violence, when he suddenly stopped mid song and just started clapping his hands slowly.  Clap…clap…clap…clap… and so on.  As he doing this, he said to the crowd, “You may not know this, but everytime I clap my hands, another child dies of violent crimes in third world nations.”  A man from the middle of the crowd yelled back, “Then stop clapping, you jerk!”

A Buddhist monk goes up to a hot dog vendor in New York and says, “Make me one with everything.”  He gives the vendor $20 and the vendor gives him his hot dog.  The monk asks, “What about my change?” to which the vendor laughingly responds, “Change comes from within!”

What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop…Dr. Dre!

What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?  The polar bear

Obligatory blond jokes – A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can’t seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies “I’ve been working on the puzzle forever but can’t figure it out! It’s supposed to be a tiger.” The husband shakes his head and says “honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box”

A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, “Let’s hide in that barn, they’ll never find us.” So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down. The next morning, the cops said, “Come out with your hands in the air!” The red-head said, “Hide in those baskets, they’ll never find us!” So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets. So the cop kicked the first one: “RUFF.” “It’s just a damn dog!” yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next one: “MEOW.” “It’s just a damn cat,” yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, “POTATOES!”

Hopefully, you enjoyed at least one of these (the polar bear!).  If not, I promise I’ll be back to meatier topics in my next post.  Until then, remember…

I had several ideas tee’d up for this post, but, in light of the impending inauguration, this one seemed to be the most appropriate.  In about 1420, Filippo Brunelleschi, an architect, engineer and renaissance artist, conducted an experiment that resulted in the discovery or possibly, rediscovery of linear perspective and the painting of the Florentine Baptistery panel, for which he is well known.  The concept of linear perspective is rooted in the idea of creating a piece of art such that the viewer feels they are on the exact spot seeing what the artist saw as it was painted.  It provided context and depth to the artwork, resulting in realistic three-dimensional forms in a two-dimensional environment.  So you are probably thinking, “I appreciate the obscure art history trivia, but what does this have to do with the inauguration and Donald Trump?”  Well, I am glad you asked.

One thing I have noticed ever since the campaign for the Presidency began, which if memory serves was sometime in the 1930s, is the deep distrust and disgust with both of the major party candidates by supporters of the other party.  The increasing divisiveness, the vitriolic hyperbole, the mocking, the baseness and the overall hatred between the ardent supporters of each of the candidates drove a wedge between families, friends, and neighbors, such that, you could no longer espouse your opinion without fear of retribution and repercussion.  The era of civilized debate and disagreement seemed to have come to an end.  On election day, Hillary supporter’s started the evening jubilant and ended the night devastated; while Trump supporters went from guardedly optimistic to jubilant. However, the victory did not lessen the animosity and tempers flared all the more in the weeks between the election and the inauguration.  There have been protests, boycotts, calls for martial law, and an ever-widening gulf between the major camps of this election.  Indeed, to listen to the news and the talking heads, the nation as we know it is on the brink of a crisis on par with the civil war and it’s all the fault of whomever I voted against.

Simply put, the problem is perspective.  We have lost sight of the “vanishing point” or the central focus that keeps the picture real and in balance.  Rather than see people as individual human beings, who have value and purpose, we are told to classify them as with us or against us and shun and persecute those against us because they are irreparably and irredeemably bad.  That mindset of dehumanizing those who think differently and hating them keeps people clicking on links and watching outlandish commentators, but it dehumanizes us in the process.  It makes us so self-righteous and so self-focused that we begin to see our fellow human beings as merely here to make our lives better, and when they don’t they are to be thrown out into the darkness.  We abandon the rule of “do unto others what you would have them do unto you” and replace it with “if you don’t agree with me, get out.”  This leads to a very isolated, unhappy life, filled with gloom, darkness and emptiness, and all because of being so caught up in the manufactured sideshow, we lose perspective.

So, to correct this, let’s put a few things back in perspective.  First, we elected a President, not an emperor or a king.  If he screws things up, the longest he’ll be in office would be 8 years and our countrymen seem to be pretty good about maintaining a healthy tension between the elected President and the elected legislature.  When the President has done things the public doesn’t approve of or like, the opposition generally gains a greater measure of control.  We only have to look at the gains by the Democrats during the Bush years and the gains by the Republicans over the past 8 years.  This strategic balance has served us for over 200 years and will continue to serve us.  Second, our lives today are pretty good.  We have jokes about “first world problems” specifically because we have moved so far past the problems our ancestors had to face.  While millions spend each day of their lives in a struggle to have enough food and water, we run through drive thru, ordering more food than we need and we get aggravated if it takes more than a couple of minutes to get our order to us. There are many other examples, but you get the point.  Third, we are a fairly tolerant and loving society.  While millions of Muslims, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Daoists, and members of other religions are being persecuted to the point of death, we have made religious observation so commonplace and acceptable that we have lost an appreciation for it, and have relegated it to the same status as a bowling league or trivia night at the pub.

I want to wrap with a couple of thoughts on how to maintain your perspective.  First, limit your exposure to the punditry and the chattering classes on both sides. What you feed into your mind begins to color your understanding, so take a page from Paul in Philippians 4:8 where he says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  Don’t ignore the news, just don’t let it dominate your thoughts.  Second, follow Sergeant Hulka’s advice from the movie Stripes and “Lighten up, Francis.”  Not every headache is an indicator of a tumor and not every fear has to be entertained and nurtured into worry or panic.  Paul talks about that too in 4:6 and 7.  Third, remember that you, unlike most dogs, can understand the concept of time.  Good and bad things are cyclical, but all things pass over time.  This, too, shall pass.  Finally, find something every day to laugh or smile at, because, laughter and smiling is a balm when times are hard and a joy when times are good.

So, a grasshopper goes into a bar and orders a beer.  The bartender looks at him and says, “you know, we have a drink named after you.”  The grasshopper looks at him with surprise and says “you have a drink called Irving?”  For those who laughed, I am sure you feel better, and for those who groaned, see, this too, passed….

​Leadership is a Balancing Act (first installation)

A few months ago, I gave a leadership talk at work on Leadership as a Balancing Act. My initial thoughts were to talk about how we balance the myriad tasks thrown our way and distinguish between the urgent and the important.  The more I put thoughts down on paper, the clearer I understand that approach was situational and I wanted to discuss concepts that are more foundational and enduring. So I made a list of seemingly opposite competencies that I believe most leaders need to hone individually and then balance in action.

The first and arguably most important pair of competencies are confidence and humility. Let me start with confidence. While serving as a Russian interpreter with the other two authors of these posts, I learned from my instructors and some wise leaders in our organization that a key skill for my occupation was recognition of the very fine line between confidence and cockiness. Each of us needed the confidence to be able to stand in front of an audience of experts or a diplomat and know that we were capable of getting the message right including the many nuances that pepper negotiations and political language. However, once you thought you were SOOO good that you didn’t need to continuously prepare and hone your craft, you often stepped into murky waters causing potential for serious problems. Leaders need confidence. People won’t follow someone who doubts themselves or their abilities and they see through a fake in a New York minute.

The other side of the coin is humility. Most people think it’s odd that I list humility as a key (and I think most important) leadership competency. But when you really think about it, leadership is about taking care of those under your charge so that they can accomplish a mission. Once a leader makes leadership about themselves, they immediately begin to fail their people and the mission. The best leaders put their folks ahead of personal interests or career objectives. They build teams around them comprised of people smarter and more capable than they are which requires the confidence and humility in perfect balance. Humility does not equate to meekness or timidity. Humility requires confidence enough to admit you don’t know it all, can’t do it all, and don’t always make the right decisions. How many leaders do you know who will admit those things privately, much less openly. The best leaders I know do this on a regular basis.

Priorities

As previously posted, I’m not a planner nor a list guy so this is going to sound contradictory at first blush. However, the message I’m about to relay simply provides the basic, necessary structure that allows me to make wise decisions about my most precious resource-time-so I don’t have to plan or make lists.

We all need to determine, define and enumerate the priorities for our lives. If we don’t, we end up rambling through a series of decisions and actions without any real purpose and hoping things all come together in the end like the two dozen story lines of a great Stephen King novel. (I love The Stand!) I didn’t realize this until a little over ten years ago while attending a leadership course for my agency. During the closing day of that course, a very wise senior executive officer named Cardell Richardson sat down with our class to share his thoughts on leadership. He started with the need to have priorities and listed his for us. His message resonated so strongly with me I simply stole his list and made it mine.  It hasn’t changed since that day so I can confirm he has it right, at least for him and for me.

Here’s my list:

1)      Fitness (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual)

2)      Family and Friends

3)      Career

Here’s the rationale. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you can burn out or fade away and become a burden to others. By focusing on my total health, I continue to grow stronger in all aspects and am able to give more and more of myself to family, friends, colleagues and others.

I can’t tell you how many men I’ve learned from in the past thirty years who’ve told me they wish they had made more time for family and friends. Each one described how they got caught up in the effort to be recognized in their profession and progress through the ranks only to realize they missed too many dinners, dates, or just moments sitting together with their significant other, kids, old friends. We all spend a minimum of 40 hours putting our time in at work. Many of us put in more than that, but when we move into a new job or ultimately retire, someone else steps into the breach and the organization and mission keep moving on as though we almost didn’t matter. However, each moment we miss with family and friends, particularly the limited years we have with our children, can never be recovered. If we don’t prioritize them, we fail to be the best partner, spouse, parent, friend we can be.

I always think about putting Fun in at #3, but we have to make a living unless we’re born into it. Most of the time, I also consider my career experiences to be fun anyway. If not, I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing.

Using this short, but meaningful list has had a profound impact on me and, I hope, others around me. Make your own list—I hope it has the same impact for you.