Have you ever had someone that bothered you so much that you couldn’t get them out of your head? I recently started working with someone that seems to find a new way to irritate me every day. So, I decided to go back to some of the earliest advice I received from a good friend I have known for over 30 years ago. Don’t let someone live in your head rent free. That means either find a way to come to peace with the person, or confront them with what bothers you.
It is amazing how liberating it can be to decide that you will come to peace with someone. The confrontational option, for me anyway, always leads to more angst. So, I decided to make my peace. To be honest, I didn’t do anything Buddaesque and beg forgiveness or understanding. I simply decided to forgive them – have a positive attitude in my interactions – then leave all of the drama at work and not let it follow me home.
I pondered on the types of people who tend to live in your head (rent free most of the time) and came up with a short list.
The negative Nelly or the insecure office bully. The person who takes pleasure in announcing every flaw in your project, or makes snide comments about people during meetings or group projects. They are also the ones with the thinnest skin and will act hurt when you give them a dose of their own medicine.
The condescending ones who always have a better idea – who don’t have an original idea, but proclaim their ability to make yours better. They also can’t write, but they sure can edit. The ones who are quick to take credit for someone else’s ideas, even though they have never had an original one.
Last, for this list anyway, is the frenemy. They know you best, and know exactly where to stick the knife, then apologize profusely. It’s the person who knows you don’t like something or someone, then make a big deal about it at work or in social occasions. It’s also the person who can’t help but share the ending of movies or TV shows even though you told them you haven’t seen a movie, or had recorded a TV program.
When you think about it – then take a deep breath and clear your head – there a lot of people who occupy space in your noggin. I tend to take stock in the morning or before bed, and try to put the reasons why someone’s in my head in perspective. My secret in evicting them – I forgive them. I wonder what part of their lives made them who they are, I pity them, then I give them the boot. To get your peace and to clear your head; to evict the free loaders from your head, forgive and forget- and I do mean forget. What was I writing about?
Excellent – and productive.