Yesterday’s post was pretty substantial and had a lot to digest in it, so I thought that, given that and the fact that this is a Monday, I’d try to lighten the day and the week for you with some humor. As I said yesterday, it is important to smile and laugh. I didn’t want to get to deep into happiness versus joy as that is a post for another day, but I have noticed when talking with friends and family that there is a lot of hurt, discouragement and pain right now in the lives of many I care about. Having gone through dark times myself, I remember the feeling that it will never end and I remember how difficult it was to enjoy things. It was hard to smile and seemed like too much effort to seek out things that would brighten my mood and my day. If you are going through that today, hopefully you can find at least something in this post that’ll cheer you up. Most importantly, though, even the longest bad days end at midnight and tomorrow is another day
Let’s start with the picture that kicked off my day today. I was searching for an image of a “To Do” list for a presentation I am working on and hit upon this gem.
I have a guy at work that sends me jokes, funny articles, odd thoughts, and pictures from time to time. Some of the images he has sent have been pretty good. For awhile, in honor of the Russian hacking reporting, he was sending me the “Inspirational Putin” images. Here are some of my favorite ones from him.
He also sends me unsolicited advice and jokes, such as:
“Be sure to turn on safe search in Google before searching on Gary Oldman movies. Oh, and don’t forget the ‘r’.”
My wife and I were laughing about how competitive we are the other day…I laughed more.
A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together to trade their tales. The priest begins, “When I found the bear, he charged at me, but I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water and he calmed right down. Next week is his first Communion.” The Baptist minister says, “I found a bear by the stream, and preached to him God’s holy Word. The bear quieted down and was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him in the stream.” The rabbi, in a wheelchair, wrapped in bandages, says, “Looking back, maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
Here’s a long set in one image:
“I was out on the lake water skiing when I fell in. As I bobbed to the surface, I noticed a duck hunter in a boat in the reeds by the shore. Jokingly, I put my hands up and said, “Don’t shoot.” The hunter just looked at me and said, “Don’t quack.””
Bono from U2 was performing at a concert against violence, when he suddenly stopped mid song and just started clapping his hands slowly. Clap…clap…clap…clap… and so on. As he doing this, he said to the crowd, “You may not know this, but everytime I clap my hands, another child dies of violent crimes in third world nations.” A man from the middle of the crowd yelled back, “Then stop clapping, you jerk!”
A Buddhist monk goes up to a hot dog vendor in New York and says, “Make me one with everything.” He gives the vendor $20 and the vendor gives him his hot dog. The monk asks, “What about my change?” to which the vendor laughingly responds, “Change comes from within!”
What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop…Dr. Dre!
What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle? The polar bear
Obligatory blond jokes – A blonde has been working on her new puzzle for a couple days now but can’t seem to get it right. One day, her husband comes home to his wife crying at the kitchen table. He rushes over and asks his wife why she was crying, and she replies “I’ve been working on the puzzle forever but can’t figure it out! It’s supposed to be a tiger.” The husband shakes his head and says “honey put the Frosted Flakes back in the box”
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, “Let’s hide in that barn, they’ll never find us.” So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down. The next morning, the cops said, “Come out with your hands in the air!” The red-head said, “Hide in those baskets, they’ll never find us!” So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets. So the cop kicked the first one: “RUFF.” “It’s just a damn dog!” yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next one: “MEOW.” “It’s just a damn cat,” yelled the cop. The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, “POTATOES!”
Hopefully, you enjoyed at least one of these (the polar bear!). If not, I promise I’ll be back to meatier topics in my next post. Until then, remember…